Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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