I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
