Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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