Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
