She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
