repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
