youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
