It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
