I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
