Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
