So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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