i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
