I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
