when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
