You just made me feel so damn special
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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