Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
