Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I need to align my fucking chakras
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