So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
