Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
