I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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