My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
