Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
