She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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