Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
