so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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