Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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