I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
