and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
