i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
