He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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