You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
