If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize