I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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