ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
