Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
