i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
3pm strippers are depressing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
