She went from zero to smokin in five shots
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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