youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize