the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
