Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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