I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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