A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
