Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Actions speak louder than pants.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
