If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
