so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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