as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We have started to decorate penises.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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