remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
