He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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