She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
