Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
