so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
