The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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