I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
