My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
