the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
