i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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