When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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