I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
