yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
