Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
