i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
