That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
