when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
