Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ok first of all what the fuck
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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