Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
