i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
