The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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