now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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