He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize